Losses are part of life, and you have to learn to live with them. Suffering at this time is natural, and experiencing it is a part of the recovery process. However, the pain of loss should not make it impossible for the person to continue living and continue with their experiences. In order to deal with this pain, we need to develop our socio-emotional skills. In this post, you will learn a little more about this issue and see some healthy ways to face this suffering. Follow! Why do losses cause so much emotional instability? The experience of losing something we value or someone we care about is a part of life that no one can escape. Loss has many shapes and forms. Check out some below: divorce or relationship termination; health problem; resignation; financial instability; miscarriage; retirement; death of a loved one; death of a pet; unfulfilled dream; loss of a friendship; insecurity after trauma; sale of the family home. These and many others are situations that we will certainly experience at some point. Loss is a feeling that arises in many ways, so it naturally results in emotional instability that, if not overcome, can lead to serious mental disorders, psychosomatic illnesses and even lead to suicide. The difficulty of dealing with the loss is such a delicate issue that some people even develop phobias and obsessions without anything having happened to them, such as thanatophobia (fear of death or dying) and aversion to material losses (when the pain of loss of a valuable object is much greater than the feeling of winning). Running away from the pain of loss or underestimating it is not the best way. While there is no way to grieve without pain, there are healthy ways to grieve that allow you to constructively move forward — which brings us to the next topic of this article. How does managing emotion help overcome the pain of loss? When a loss happens, learning to deal with the pain is essential for us to recover. When we lose something or someone, there is the natural process of mourning, which involves at least 5 stages:
denial and isolation;
anger;
bargain or negotiation;
depression;
acceptance.
Experiencing these phases fully allows us to identify what we are feeling, but grief is a process that does not always flow in a positive way, nor is it easy. Developing socio-emotional skills allows us to better manage our grieving thoughts and feelings, so that we can transcend the pain of loss and move towards a new stage, with the gradual return of joy and emotional stability. All areas of our lives—at any time—respond to our emotions. In the case of grief, managing them does not mean isolating feelings, but rather making our mind understand each phase and propel us towards a positive attitude. Something like letting thoughts and feelings flow in their time through the waters of the river of life. In addition to being a journey of self-knowledge and self-perception, the development of socio-emotional skills cooperates with the creation of tools to recognize each stage of grief and its reactions. Thus, as the psychiatrist and writer Augusto Cury says, this leads us to “take back the reins of our destiny”, even to realize that we may not be able to go through these stages alone, making necessary the help of a professional, such as a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. What to do to soften the pain of loss? Now that you understand what the grieving process means and the importance of skills to overcome the pain of loss, we separate 5 practical advice for you to use in your process. Take a look. accept your feelings Facing loss is not denying it. You have to accept the feelings, frustration and emptiness that are involved. If you feel sadness, don't be afraid to cry. Try to observe your emotions and manage them instead of taking your frustrations out on the people around you. Seek dialogue with good influences Keeping everything to yourself can cause a lot of anguish and suffering. In addition, being alone and vulnerable, your assessment of reality can be greatly affected: you run the risk of giving in to very pessimistic thoughts and not being able to get out of the state of sadness. To avoid this type of problem, try talking to someone you trust, with whom you feel comfortable venting. It could be a close friend, family member or even a therapist. Venting always helps ease the pain, as it allows feelings to be worked through and understood.
Practice pleasurable activities Writing, crafting, painting or playing sports: there are several activities you can do to channel your feelings and feel productive. Completing tasks is essential to distract yourself and think less about the pain of loss, as the satisfaction of doing something for ourselves helps to deal with the feeling of emptiness. Working with plants or animals can also be a good idea. The important thing is to invest in a task that is pleasurable, but that occupies your mind and prevents you from feeding thoughts of pain. Put reason in emotion After accepting feelings and experiencing them in a healthy way, you need to develop more rational thinking. This mainly means avoiding idealizing what has been lost. A death, a separation, a job loss, a change in life: remember that nothing is perfect. At this stage, the important thing is not to harass what was lost, but to be aware that everything has a healthy side and an unhealthy side. Cherish the good side of what was gone, but be aware of the difficulties of what was lost. seek self-knowledge It is essential to have moments of reflection to integrate the loss and realize that suffering brings important lessons. This is the time to reevaluate values, stop giving importance to some things and start worrying about other, more essential ones. It's also time to ask yourself what to do from now on, with this new reality. Direct your questions more towards the future and less towards the past. With time and the right strategies, the pain of loss will give way to feelings of acceptance.
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